OOM: No outside business

The first one was a mistake.

Of course, you can't control where you end up when you teleport into a realm.

Well, not when there is a well established ummm.... door.

But, Milliways' has a very well established front door. Heck, you can feel it across realms.

An established door on both sides.

But doesn't Milliways' door supposedly pop up in random places in other realms?

That's not a well established door.

Hey! Don't the imps have a similar inter-realm teleport? Wait, the leprechauns do too!

Well, I can't open the door from this side anyway.

Nope, you just haven't found the door on this side.

Or maybe Milliways doesn't want you.

Enough of this, let me tell the story!

So anyway, the first apple was a blunder. Evil Chicken forgot that teleporting into Glienor without using some 'door' would place him on some random spot on the planet's surface. Luckily, it hasn't been some random spot in the universe or even over one of the planet's oceans. Or under.

Now, why is that? Something interesting to study. Later.

Second, that pesky ban on unofficial teleportation. You wind up at a random spot, and you can't teleport to where you need to go. Well, unless you use a sanctioned teleportation spell, but that never gets you exactly where you need to be anyway.

So there's a chicken perched on an apple in the middle of nowhere, on a part of the planet he's never been to before. Oh well, teleport off realm, teleport back, wind up in a different spot. Maybe it will be closer this time?

So, there's a chicken, perched on an apple in the middle of a cold desolate place. There is nothing but scorched earth for miles and miles. Scratch that cold thing, its just the north wind. The earth churns below and the ground feels warm... Oh no.

There was something preventing him from teleporting out. Then he heard it. A human in heavy armor running from something. Evil Chicken turned around to see where the noise was coming from and saw not just one human running, but several. Not in a tight group either, they where gradually spreading out, but still running in the same general direction. Chasing them was a revenant. A revenant who made sure to give Evil Chicken a quick grin as it passed by.

Dessert

Dessert... Dammit, dessert! That is all Evil Chicken had become to these fools! Dessert! Something that could be dealt with later! Sure, the revenant had at least been courteous enough to teleblock his 'dessert'. But Evil Chicken was not something you could stick in the freezer and eat later.

The damn Wizard's Guild. They did this to him. They clipped his wings.

"I am not dessert! I am a main course!" The chicken clucked, and the air seemed to solidify in front of the chicken. The semi-solid air raced toward the revenant, gaining the shape of a packet of waves. The first wave hit the revenant hard in the back, the second and third hitting him as he turned to look for the source. Each wave took a little bit of the revenant's hard won reality away from it, making the ghostly being a bit more... ghostly. The revenant's reward for turning around was another group of highly pressurized air bursts, right in the chest.

The humans who were running from the revenant were taking turns checking if the revenant was still following, and it was one of the group's mages who noticed that they were no longer being chased. He noticed the revenant had become a bit more ethereal, and was dumbfounded when he saw why.

"What the fSTOP!"

Vines came forth from the dirt under the revenant and wrapped around its ghostly form. The revenant was now trapped temporarily and could not flee from the arrows, fire spells, and armored warriors coming toward it. Or Evil Chicken's attacks. The revenant could still counter attack though, and hit Evil Chicken with a poison dart.

The sting of the dart caused the attacks from Evil Chicken to stop. But not the poison. Oh no, Evil Chicken wished to gloat.

"Has it been this long? Have you forgotten who I am? You can't poison me!"
Especially now, thought Evil Chicken, still perched on the apple he came in on. Weak poisons.... Evil Chicken sent another air spell to join the arrows and fire spells raining down on the revenant. The armored warriors were now letting their swords, axes, and hammers contribute to the effort to rob the revenant of its physical form. The entangling vines that were holding the revenant in place were loosening, giving the revenant the opportunity to slip a poisoned dagger under one of the warriors' plates of armor.

"Agk! Did anyone bring an anti-poison potion?"

"You should have drank some before we came out here."

The vines fell, but an ice spell hit the revenant soon after, preventing it from moving at least until the next round of fire spells hit it.

"Just retreat from here a little ways and tend to your wounds, we are almost done here."

The warriors kept pounding away at the revenant as fire spells, arrows, wind spells, more arrows, and then ice spells assaulted it in what seemed to be a well practiced routine. Soon there was nothing left of the revenant.

The warriors, minus the fellow who was poisoned, then turned their attention toward the chicken. They had not forgotten who he was, and were puzzled about why he had attacked the revenant they were hunting. Or rather, luring into an ambush. They were puzzled about why he was still here, after all his victim was dead. Or gone. Whatever happens to revenants after you defeat them. Most of all they were puzzled about why he wasn't attacking them, or hasn't attacked anyone in months. They raised their weapons in preparation for an attack.

"You dare threaten me? Wearing that bulky metal armor, wielding metal weapons, you dare threaten me?!"

"Do you think we would come out here hunting without the protection of our Lord, Saradomin, against the effects of magic?" questioned a female sounding voice from one of the suits of armor. "Do you think we are novices?"

Ah, so she's the one holding a sword so close to my face, thought Evil Chicken. "Saradomin?! Sara--" careful now, you don't want them to become useless.

Off in the distance, the warrior who was poisoned started coughing violently.

Evil Chicken hopped of the apple. "This apple contains a very potent anti-poison. Your friend will only need a slice to cure himself from that poison. Take a slice and feed it to him."

More coughing. The woman spoke up again. Noisy woman, only someone who thought she was the leader of some sorts would speak so brashly. "Why should we trust you, why would you have anti-poison with you? No poison that we know of has had any effect on you."

"What a cruel thing to do! Test poisons on a poor little innocent chicken."

"You are none of those things! Why would you have anti-poison with you?" More coughing.

"Why do you think? This is a one of a kind thing! An anti-poison apple! An apple that lifts the spirits, that increases vitality! An apple that can bring people back from the dead! It is so unique, and it is mine!"

"And yet you offer to give us a piece of it. For free?"

"What good will this apple do me out here in the wilderness?"

"What are you doing out here in the Wilderness, foul beast?"

"I need an escort to Draynor. Once there I can give you each a slice of the apple to do whatever you wish. But I keep the core. But first give your friend his share, he sounds like he is about to die."

With a nervous sigh the woman warrior knelt down, took out a dagger, carved out a chunk of apple, and took the chunk of apple to the poisoned warrior. The other warriors kept their weapons pointed at Evil Chicken, and now the archers in the hunting party moved in and readied their bows to skewer the chicken should he attempt anything. Still, though, why wouldn't Evil Chicken just teleport out of harm's way? Why was he asking for an escort to Draynor?

The poisoned warrior's coughing had gotten so bad that the leader of the expedition was wondering whether her warrior would choke to death on the apple chunk she held in her hand before the poison killed him. She called over one of the mages to hold the warrior down while she did the best she could to crush the apple chunk and get at least some of the juice in his mouth. She succeeded, and immediately the warrior felt his airways clear up and he stopped coughing soon afterward. She took this opportunity to feed him the rest of the apple chunk, and as if by instinct he ate it, even though it was crushed and a bit dirty. The mage let go of him, and after a little while, he rose to his feet.

"You see? These apples are valuable!" shouted Evil Chicken. Woops "I did lie, before, about this apple being unique. Unique to this world, maybe, but I can get more!"

"Now, about that escort to Draynor..."